MY NOTE TO JOHN... and to all men who 'don't really get it'Jan 21, 2022
Having been through multiple 'events' of powerplay, aggression, sexual assault and abuse, and many others in this category from light to heavy… I can tell you it’s quite a journey to learn to live with it, to find your place in life as you're just lost in many ways; and be on the lifelong journey of healing from it.
This is not a hate note to men, this is not about victimhood, this is my raw, real reaction, my part of the evolution on this topic (for today). Remember there are more beautiful than nasty men.
Remember we all have shadow sides, myself included.
That being said, let's get real.
The last nine months I’ve been healing layers of my own abuse in the past. Not that it was new to me. I’ve been healing my story for over at least 20 years and every year, new pieces of the puzzle come into the light. New layers come to the surface to be healed. Slowly I start having sight on the incredible puzzle that seems to be close to be finalized - where the full extend of the suffering, and the full healing becomes one. I'm happy to be able to say I feel so much more free right now due to the intense and extended healing processes last year.
As a person and as a healer/teacher I just KNOW that our past deliver the building blocks of our future, that the story of our lives holds our purpose once it’s healed, transformed and flipped around (this is what I have done myself and also doing with my clients). So I'm the last to say that crisis has its place in one's life journey.
But I also know the pain and suffering that comes from masculine powerplay, from sexual abuse, as well as from people surrounding the situation doing nothing - it is damaging like hell.
There are not enough words to describe that.
Although I don’t live anymore in Holland I DO feel the energy that’s out there last week and especially today after that TV broadcasted a program with case study about and interviews around the secrets that are coming out one by one what has been happening behind the scenes at the Voice of Holland. Today I watched the replay on YouTube, so I know now, why I see so many women in Holland speaking their truth today on IG.
I hear you.
I appreciate you.
We still have a long way to go.
Especially regarding to the words of John de Mol i feel almost in loss of words. I get it, this is like an impossible position to say or do anything right at the moment.
But…. some of the things that were said, what I saw happening in the process of the interview…. just astound me.
The fact that he’s not once but twice telling what women have to change to create a new reality - not even mentioning anything of what men have to change (ehhhh for example: stop doing this shit, we do NOT tolerate this), and being confused when the interviewer point this to him, like: do you also want to say anything to the men?
The worst moment I felt is this sentence: "Vrouwen hebben kennelijk een soort schaamte, ik weet niet wat het is…[dat ze niet melding maken]" Translation: "Women apparently feel ashamed, I don’t know what that is… [that they don’t speak out when this abuse or assault happens]."
EHHHH REALLY ???????
Well, I’ll tell you.
Because when you’re overpowered and taken away of all your innocence, your joy, playfulness, confidence, freedom, power and trust - when you are so hit by surprise, when you figural falling out of paradise (because something happens that you could not even imagine to be possible or true), when you’re deeply traumatized in just that moment…. YOU ARE ASHAMED, YOU ARE CONFUSED, YOU FEEL DIRTY AND STUPID, YOU CANNOT BELIEVE THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. You want that it just did NOT happened. And directly you question yourself if you’ve been doing something that lead to this behavior. And even if you are that wise to know that this isn’t true - you’ve been living in a world where is just not enough openness toward this misbehavior and trauma. You know, or just sense, there might be a slight chance that things will be denied, you will be left alone with it, and you will be traumatized once more by that same one thing that happened to you.
And the fact that this sentence even can get out of your mouth, to me is incredible sad and poor. Since #MeToo there has been so much information out there about this. How it works, how is it possible that you still didn’t got that? It’s disappointing and almost too much to bear that this actually happened in such an important interview and moment in time.
TO ALL THE WOMEN who are triggered by this whole story, those who know what this IS about, who are feeling kind of wobbly this day - because they feel the confused and traumatized energy dripping down on the country (and as in my case physical far away from the country, but energetically still connected)…. I see you, I feel you, I love you. You are not alone. It’s sad to say that we are with millions like us. And times are changing we are more and more speaking our truth and that’s a good thing. And yes, we have to be patient as well, because evolution doesn’t happen in one day. And I don’t know how long the majority of men need to finally start seeing what’s the actual problem (and have the awareness and capability to act accordingly: human, honest, with clarity and taking full responsibility for their part in this huge story that is way bigger than any one of us (male or female).
Luckily I can also say today, I know also men who are incredibly powerful in nourishing and supporting the healing journey of us women, and therefore the future of our children.
And I thank them, because we need you.
Let me finish with the wise words Willy van Berlo said at the end: "De verantwoordelijkheid ligt altijd bij degene die over de grens gaat, en niet bij degene die het overkomt. Is dat duidelijk genoeg" Translation: "The responsibility always lies with the one who crosses boundaries, not with the one who experiences this overstepping behavior. Is this clear enough?"
Let this be clear.
Let it be not wasted.
Let it heal a little of the humongous pain that’s out there. Not only today or this week, but 365 days a year. Every year.
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